Ques?ion

I've never found myself in a situation I could not handle.
I've been in trying situations.
I've been in desperate situations.
I've seen hell and high water,
But I've always had a raft.

Consider me equipped.

If there is a God, I say "thank you God."
If there is no God, I say "thank you God."
Because my faith is my own, and I'd like to have somebody
to say thank you to.

I keep telling myself I've lost it.

I can't dance anymore.
I can't swim anymore.
I can't skate anymore.
I can't lead anymore.
I can't love anymore.
I can't smile anymore.
I can't cry anymore.
I can't fight anymore.
I can't write anymore.

I'm terrible at math.
I suck at science.
My words are slurred.
My soul feels drained.

Tonight I stand firm,
Some admire,
Some ignore,
Some stroke my cheek,
and I'm told that someday
someone will shatter me.

We're all dead,
we're just too living to feel it.

Alive?

I wouldn't call it that.

No matter what, I feel like I'm drunk.
I can't feel pain.
I can't feel hunger.
I can't feel hot or cold.
It's cool, but undecidedly so.

I can't feel you next to me.
I can't feel her in the other room.
I can't feel her back at home.
I can't feel them down the street.
I can't feel them in my heart.
I can't feel them in my soul.

I haven't seen them for so long.
What did I do?
Why did I do it?
What was I thinking?

I wrote five letters today.
5 people I've lost,
1 person who'll always be ther,
5 people I still love dearly.

Dear old friends,

Tonight,
I spoke to you by accident.
It's all I can think about.
Thanks for messaging back by the way.
I expected you to ignore me.
I still love you, I just can't deal with it.
As for the other one, I'm sorry.
I have my reasons, I always do,
I don't expect anything back.

Dear Mamang,
Tonight,
I want to talk to you.
I want to ask you a question.
I want to ask if I've made you proud.
If you were here, what would you say?
We never truly spoke.
I miss you,
but I feel like I never knew you.

Dear mom,
I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm sorry that I will let you down.
I'm sorry that I can't say this to your face.

Dear J,
why don't you ever learn.

To my family, lost,
I miss you.
Don't think otherwise.
I'm bitter and I want nothing else but to yell at you,
and scream at you,
and throw shit at your windows.
I want to break you,
maybe then you'll understand
what you've done to yourselves.
What you've done to my dad,
what you've done to me,
what you've done to my mom,
what you've done to my sister,
and that's just my household.
I haven't seen you for... what?
I hear oca was hospitalized.
I hear it was serious.
I hear that you didn't think to tell us.

I'm broken right now.
I miss everything,
and I'm stupid for not admitting it.

I keep telling myself I've lost it.
I think I've found what 'it' really means.

what is?
what is poetry?
what is poetry?
why is poetry?
what is black?
what is white?
what is black?
what is white?
what is wrong?
what is write?
what is wrong?
what is right?
right wrong,
rong wrong
write right
till wrong
is right