Ques?ion

All I've ever really wanted to do
is sit in the quad, on the grass,
and nothing.

When I had no in'trest in my mem'ry,
I lost my self, my net, my total worth.
The spoils which I spent years working to see,
Were stockpiled burned and buried in the earth.

Confused I cried for my God's interest,
To share his banks of wisdom ever saved.
I asked for light to help me be the best,
And liberate my past, I felt enslaved.

"Lord, free me from this curse, I've payed my dues!
I've loved and lost, I'm ready to move on!"
'No, check' I heard, 'your books, you must review-'
I turned my back on him and I was gone.

I robbed myself in burning what I'd learned,
Ignored my god, and now I've lost my turn.

I am growing increasingly tired of my inability to cope with my mortality.
I understand the futility of fearing the inevitable obliteration of our pugilistic people,
However, I'm unable to accept that obliteration is inevitable.

One day there will be a Utopia,
Then there will be a Dystopia,
Then there will be nothing.

Maybe by then the theories of man kind will have created an apathetic attitude towards improvement.
Will that be a product of the Utopian era that will see the greater good of man and ignore the individual?
Will we one day die, ultimately losing our love for ourselves in our love for others, potentially losing ourselves in others?

So many questions.
So many answers.
So little meaning,
if you think about it.

I just mixed some weed and codiene
now my face is numb,
my neck is twitching like the legs
of a wasp,

sting,
smack,
crush.

concussed,
momentarily stunned,
in the silent darkness I swell.

painfully unravelling,
falling,
stopping momentarily
to absorb the silence of the stone cold walls.

metal bars protruding
but only in the mind.
Only in the mind.
Again.

Love moveth me,
move it not?
Unvisited by Queen Mab,
enlightened by her absence,
I grow believing in love.

Extended arms can grasp,
so do.
Do embrace the hate of hate
so close to mine.

Before hate engrosses hate
and mind.